17th November 2023
The purpose of this isn’t really to inform or entertain anyone who might come across it. Really it’s for my own benefit hoping it might be a cathartic exercise to pull me out of my current low mood, or even to just look back on and remind myself in the future how I was feeling in the weeks after my back operation which sees me unsure of what I’ll be able to get back to doing and when.
My partner Lynda reminds me what I’m recovering from and essentially there are 3 things going on which all affect my body chemistry and my mental state.. First of all, after the Operation, I was told the nerves that were being restricted will take time to get fully working again so I’m still dealing with numbness in my foot and some pain. Second, the effects of having my back opened up and meddled with along with the General anaesthetic obviously leave some necessary healing and 3rd, I’m weaning myself off Pregabalin Nerve blocking tablets which are apparently highly addictive and after being on them since late June, I’m experiencing withdrawal symptoms which I guess explains my delicate mood at the moment.
I sit lamenting on how pathetic I feel having most things done for me and wondering if I’ll ever get back to fitness or will all this soreness and numbness stay with me. I looked through Strava to remind myself of past rides and these entries tell a tale
The first one was not that long ago and now I’m reduced to a short walk . That is difficult when you’re used to the freedom and adrenaline of riding a bike regularly but I am trying to pick out the positive and see that first of all , 2 and a half weeks ago I was shuffling slowly around the house, so a 2 mile walk to the doctor’s surgery and back has to be seen as progress and then today it was 3 and a half miles so all “in the right direction” as they say
The fact is I struggle to get past ” it’s just a 3 mile walk”.
I have plenty of footage and ideas for my YouTube channel with loads of time to get cracking obviously but I’m really struggling to get the inspiration and momentum to make it happen. “I’ll do it tomorrow” and then when tomorrow comes , the day drags on and I’ve done nothing in particular.
Not being able to drive and get a change of scenery doesn’t help but Lynda has been great and already on a couple of occasions we have driven to the cafe that my Cycling club were riding to and it really did lift my spirits to be chatting and having a laugh with that lovely crowd, so I guess by way of recommendation to anyone in the same boat, doing something similar is a huge boost.
As I was hoping, I’m already feeling a tad better by strangely getting things off my chest by doing this blog. Focusing on the positive is the main thing I must do but the way this damn withdrawal makes me feel is hard to shake off. I’m seeing my surgeon next week and getting permission to drive and do gentle indoor cycling on my Turbo would be a massive game changer so my fingers are crossed. I’ll no doubt update this when thaat particular event comes to pass.